The One That Got Away
by Layna Remi
Summary: Future Eddie tells her Granddaughter the story how she let Jamie be the one that got away. Story better that description, Read and Review please :)
1. Chapter 1

She smiled as she looked out the window to see her daughter and Granddaughter walking up the driveway, it was always a great day when the two of them could visit and today even better because her Granddaughter Emily was sleeping over. Emily was seventeen going on thirty; a brilliant girl and she always made time for her grandmother. She waved as Nora and Emily spotted her each with a bright smile, they always brightened up the empty home, it had been like this for a while since her husband passed away but then again maybe well before that.

"Hey Mom," Nora dropped a kiss on her cheek and placed Emily's weekend bag on the couch.

"Hey honey, are you excited for your weekend get- away with Tom?" Tom was Nora's husband and Emily's stepdad but he raised her since she was two.

"Yes, though we will miss our Emmy," She wrapped her arms around her daughter who rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Oh mom its only five days, besides you and Dad need some alone time," Emily teased, she emphasized the "alone" because she knew how much the two of them worked but also because she needed time away from them.

"Oh you," She gave a playful scowled face to her daughter before turning back to her mother. "Okay Mom, I have to go get Tom from work, please if you have any problems don't hesitate to call." She kissed her daughter and mother before rushing out the door. As soon as the door closed, Emily turned to her Grandma and grinned though it faltered something that she caught on to quick.

"Hey how about we order a pizza and then you can help me clean out my attic, there is a tone of stuff in there and I know how much you like to go through it."

"Sounds like a plan; I'll put my stuff in the guest room." She watched her disappear down the hall and wondered what could be bothering her.

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"Okay, why so quiet Emily," Eddie asked as she watched her granddaughter go through a box that contained her medals she received on the job. Emily looked up and gave her a soft smile but her eyes looked pained. Eddie walked over, sat across from Emily, and took the box away, forcing her to finally face her.

"I have to tell you something but promise not to tell mom or dad, they would freak out." Eddie motioned an x across her chest to signify that Emily's secret was safe.

"Grandma, I have a boyfriend or rather had one."

"Oh," She said in surprised, it was not a shock that Emily would have a boyfriend, she was beautiful but rather that she focused so hard at school that she wouldn't have the time.

"I love him, I know its weird to say at seventeen but I really like him."

"So what happened?"

"He is my complete opposite, we are in different social cliques but he is so down to earth and he said none of it matters."

"So I don't see anything wrong, are you afraid of what your parents will say?"

"No but I was afraid of everyone else, his friends and mine, they don't get along and I was fine keeping us secret but he didn't want to we had a fight and well, things got messy."

"I see, he seems to really care about you, and this is obviously making you upset."

"I feel stupid for the first time in my life my brain failing me."

"No sweetie, you are just choosing your mind over your heart but in the end you may look back on him and hate yourself for letting him be the one that got away." She looked at Emily sympathetically; she hated seeing her granddaughter like this.

"You speak like you've experienced this, but I mean you and Grandpa I mean you two were always so perfect." Eddie sighed and looked at Emily who started to see the look in her Grandma's eyes change. She raised her eyebrow as Eddie looked at her as if she was trying to decide whether to do something. "What?"

"Hang on," She said slowly standing and walking to another box, she rummaged through it before pulling out a small box and returning to her granddaughter.

"Like I kept your secret, you have to keep mine," Emily nodded her head vigorously and motioning an x like her grandmother had. Eddie sighed, opened her box, and sifted through a couple photos before handing Emily 1 in particular.

"Wow, Grandma, you look so young!" She smiled as she looked at the photo.

"I was twenty six years old in that photo, a year and a half on the job."

"That's around the time that you met Grandpa Right, you never told me about your days as a rookie, or really as a NYPD beat officer."

"Well I kept it from your mom, she hates my detective stories but some of my patrol days were worse than the detective days."

"Who's that?" Emily asked holding out the picture and pointing to the man in the photo.

"The one who got away, his name was Jamison Reagan and he was my first partner." Emily's eyes widened and she seemed to stare at the man, he was handsome, lean and with a humorous smile, they both did. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you but first I need you to know I loved your grandfather."

"I know grandma."

"Okay, I will tell you then, but again this stays between you and me."

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Hello Friends, I have missed you!

This is not my normal type of story, I do not think I have ever done one set in the future but this popped into my head and I HAD to write it!

I know right now it can be confusing but this is Eddie's perspective on how she let Jamie get away and maybe later we can find out where he is. This story popped into my head after I watched Definitely Maybe (Ryan Reynolds is a dad telling his daughter how he met her mother and she had to guess who the mom is but really it's about the one who got away and they reunite, it's cute you should watch it), but anyway I hope you like it please Review I know it's barely a start but I like feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello Again my friends, I am so glad that I got some positive feedback so far, I know this is kind of an unusual story line for me but future Eddie popped into my head so please Read and Review, see you at the end of the chapter!

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"Okay, so Jamieson Reagan was your first partner, when you were a rookie and you had feelings for him?" Emily asked now ready to be engulfed in this story, a secret that Eddie had kept from her and her mother.

"Yes, though it wasn't like that in the beginning, it started off as a friendship."

"Obviously it was more than that Grandma," Emily smirked.

"These feelings surfaced, he was a great man, funny, smart and good looking and best of all he was always there for me."

"He always had your back, but all partners all like that," Emily, pointed out.

"Yeah but he was there for me on a personal level too, he was there when I went to visit my father in prison and after I had my first kill on the job, when I was assaulted and anytime I was stood up."

"So why didn't you guys just date I mean it was like perfect."

"Well it was against the rules, still is plus his father was the PC his grandfather the former PC and his brother a detective, he was always supposed to be on his best behavior."

"But I mean you could have changed precincts."

"I know but being his partner, it's hard to explain but I couldn't lose him as a partner and he felt the same, plus I was dating your grandfather by then."

"Well didn't you know, I mean both of you had to feel it."

"We did, we even kissed one night but like any other time we felt the chemistry we pushed it off."

"So what happened?"

"Well it all started in June 2016," Eddie began.

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Eddie texted on her phone to another possible date with a doctor that she had met while bringing in a assault victim. It was hard meeting anyone in her line of work but Eric Stevens seemed not care in fact he seemed interested in listening to her stories about her day and it was a little refreshing. As she set a quick confirmation text she felt Jamie looking over her shoulder, he was snooping as usual but in his defense, he had seen all the failures through that was her dating life.

"Who is that, the doctor?" He asked returning his gaze over to the basketball court where a game was being played. It was a perfect day and the two of them where on foot duty which ended at 7pm.

"Yes super sleuth," She teased putting her phone back in her pocket.

"Well are you going out with doctor lamb chop," He teased, the name she had used when he dated a doctor used against her.

"So funny Reagan, you know you should have been a comedian." He laughed, something Eddie loved to here, it was soft and not obnoxious. "Any way yeah, I might have a date with Doctor Stevens, what about you didn't you go on a date with that waitress, what was her name; Rebecca?"

"One date but I don't think that will work out," He said pulling his ticket pad out, walking up to, and illegally parked ford focus. It was hard for both of them, they were dating other people, her more than him but they had to force themselves to believe that they were just partners and friends.

"I like him, he seemed pretty nice and he handled your sense of humor." She punched him in the arm but he just laughed.

"You know what Reagan, at least I am trying, all your dates have been one and done, I think I should find you someone."

"Oh god no," He said in protest.

"Yeah, we are at a park I am sure I can find someone." She scanned the area for potentials hitting mostly mothers and or Nannies though she could not really tell the difference. "Oh her, right there in the purple hat," She pointed near the park's fountain.

"You mean the one with the boyfriend like two steps away from her."

"Oh well okay ummm, how about the woman at the coffee stand, she is hot," She watched Jamie roll his eyes.

"I'll find someone in my own time," He said defending himself.

"You aren't getting any younger Reagan." She heard the chiming of her phone a new text from Derek, it read, "I can't wait," She smiled and tucked her phone away again.

"Are we still on for Garbanzo's tonight," He asked though with Eddie's appetite he knew she would be all for it.

"Only if you're paying," Eddie said.

"I mean I don't make enough in a week to feed you," He teased; another punch in the shoulder was received.

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They had one too many drinks that night so driving home was out of the question; instead, they walked down the streets of NYC to Eddie's apartment. It was not too far but it was a little bit of a walk, which neither of them minded, it was a little bit longer they got to spend with each other. Tonight it was a clear night, stars scattered around the sky and the moon illuminated the way home, she laughed at another one of his stories of the younger Reagan years as they made their way down the street, a little stumble in their walk.

"Come on Reagan, no way Danny got off that easy," The story was when Danny drove when he was fourteen; it was a little unbelievable to her.

"I swear it was like God himself had been looking after him that day."

"He was quiet the rebel, let me guess you were squeaky clean."

"I was a good kid, when you have a brother like Danny and a sister like Erin you learn from their mistakes."

"Erin, she seems so mother like, like she is the voice of reason."

"Well that happened when Nicki was born and also intensified after the divorce."

"Well I can just see Jamie Reagan little angel, Boy Scout extraordinaire."

"I was never a Boy Scout." He said as they arrived at her apartment building.

"Alright well I don't believe you." She stood there with him in silence for a moment. "So we are having drinks with Harris and Duncan tomorrow night."

"Why do you always do that?" He scoffed.

"Do what?"

"Make plans without consulting me first," He replied.

"I do it because without me you'd have no social life." She teased stepping in closer to him, a sense of Déjà vu swept over them.

"It is a little frustrating," He admitted but there was no sense of annoyance in his tone. Instead, he stared into her eyes, her into his as the moment presented itself again, and their lips meet. A soft passionate kiss that made them feel as if they were floating but soon it broke and Eddie was the one who backed up.

"I have to go Reagan," She didn't even wait for him to say anything instead she fast walked to the door, leaving him on the sidewalk shocked that they had done it again.

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The day after the kiss, they had off and Eddie did not speak to him but the whole day she tried to figure out the next step, this was obviously a mistake and the tension was to strong between them and it was not fair to either of them to try to pretend it did not happen. She thought back to the academy, hearing how interwork relationships were frowned upon and how she told herself she would not be that person yet here she was so confused. She had been seeing Eric for about a month and a half and they were happy, she was fond of him but she was not sure why she was keeping hold of these feelings because in the end it wasn't fair to him either. She made her decision that night about what to do and she was not happy about it but it wasn't the right thing to do but she had to do it.

She waited outside the locker room for Jamie that morning, she had went in early and talked to Sarge but now she had to talk to Jamie and it was going to be the hardest thing. She looked at all the others coming out, heading to roll call and gave them a smile but it was masked with anxiety when finally Jamie walked out. He caught her eye and she immediately grabbed his arm and brought him into the hall by the entrance of the detective's section floor.

"Janko listen, I know what you are going to say but we were drinking and it was a bad idea, I know." She looked at him with tears in her eyes, which made him worry.

"Reagan, we can't keep doing this," She admitted and she could see his heart drop in that instant as he sensed where this was heading. "I talked to Sarge; I'm transferring at the end of the week." Jamie was shocked, speechless at what his partner was saying.

"What, Eddie, it was a mistake and besides you are with Eric there is no us."

"But don't tell me you don't feel that connection Jamie," She cried, wiping her eyes. "Listen, I know you know what's happening, it isn't fair to either of us, I can't keep doing this pretending that these are "mistakes" I have a boyfriend and a relation between us is never going to happen."

"So you are just leaving," He didn't expect an answer, it made sense but she was supposed to be his partner; he let out a heavy sigh. "Where are you going?"

"The 54th precinct," She answered.

"Where Danny works, so you are staying where the Reagan's are," He tried to joke and it sort of worked because she laughed as she wiped the tears away.

"Jamie, you are an amazing partner and an even better man and you will find the one girl out there but I can't do it anymore." They stood in silence for a minute before he looked at her again and gave her a smile before stepping towards her and wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm gonna miss you Janko." He let her go and walked away disappearing down the hall to roll call leaving her to sob.

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Eddie looked at her watch midnight, she had been telling her story for over six hours and as she reached up to her face she wiped away a tear that she did not even know accumulated. She looked at her granddaughter who did too, Emily had been so engulfed into the story that she was clinging the picture of Eddie and Jamie to her chest.

"I think it is time for bed."

"What, no you can't just leave it there! You left him and you knew you loved him and I can't just not know what happened," She protested but Eddie stood up anyway.

"I'll finish the story but right now I need some sleep and you do too, we have to be up early tomorrow," She looked at Emily who was still unsure if her grandmother would finish the story, "I promise, tomorrow." Emily stood up hesitantly handing the photo to her grandmother.

"I love you grandma," She kissed Eddie on the cheek and walked down the attic steps. Eddie looked at the photo again and smiling as she looked at her old friend, she put it in the box and started to the stairs stopping to look back before she turned off the light and walked downstairs.

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Chapter 2 done! I hope you like it so far, I know it's sad right now but I promise I have an ending, maybe(I'm still trying to figure out the details, also this isn't close to the end we still have some story to tell) please review and let me know what you think, I kind of want your input about how you feel about me making Jamie the one who got away! Thank you all Love Layna.


	3. Chapter 3

She walked into the kitchen to find Emily making coffee and a lavish breakfast on the table, which Eddie took as bribery. She walked over, poured a cup of coffee, and sat at the island, snatching a piece of bacon and looking at her anxious granddaughter. Part of her wanted to hold off on the story for a little while but she remembered the reason she started the story in the first place so she set her mug of coffee down and began.

"Before I start again do you have any questions?" A smile shot across Emily's face as she walked to the counter and grabbed notebook that she had ready. Eddie was not surprise at her granddaughter being prepared so as Emily flipped to the page she had written her questions on, Eddie tried to prepare to answer.

"Okay, first question is if you moved to a different precinct why didn't you just date?"

"Well I was with your grandfather."

"Fair but I mean you were young and obviously I am happy you were with grandpa because I wouldn't be here but why didn't you go with Jamie you both liked each other."

"It was complicated; like I told you before he was the PC's son, his brother a detective and sister a DA every move he made was watched under great scrutiny."

"Okay fair, also; why his brother's precinct," Emily asked.

"I didn't have a choice though in my mind I had hoped it would be Danny's precinct, close to Jamie in some way."

"Final question, what happened next?" Emily supported her head on the heels of her hands, resting her elbows on the table.

"Okay so this next part is complicated and I know some of it may make you think the worst of me but please try to understand." Emily looked unsure but she nodded.

"Okay, so it had been four months since I had seen or spoken to Jamie, I hadn't even really made contact with his brother who was upstairs the whole time." She thought back to it. "I had pushed the feelings back and moved on with a new partner who was wonderful and a whole new set of friends. I had distanced myself and I was proud until there was a scare at the 12th precinct.

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It was a sweltering hot August night when it happened, Eddie and her partner Alex Sanders had just gotten back to the 54th when they saw a few of the officers run past them not even bothering to excuse themselves. Eddie looked at Alex in confusion and his expression matched hers so he grabbed hold of another officer's hand and asked.

"Selena, what's going on?" Charlotte Aplin looked at him shocked that neither of them knew.

"You haven't heard, an officer at the 12 was shot and killed by a gang member resisting arrest and in response his partner killed the perp but the other bangers started a riot near the 12, big gun fight, they called for backup." She resumed her run as soon as Alex let go of her hand in shock. Eddie could feel her heart drop; fear consumed her as she wondered whom it could have been but the worst-case scenario ran through her head that it was Jamie.

"You worked out of the 12th, you should try to get a hold of your old partner, I'll see if we can go and help." Alex ran to the Sergeant as Eddie fumbled to get her phone out. With shaky fingers, she dialed Jamie but she got his voicemail, she didn't realize how much she missed his voice until that moment. She tried again getting the same result, she could feel herself begin to panic and that is when she heard the booming voice, it was a distinct one, she had heard it some many times and that was the person who would have the answer she needed. She turned around and scanned the crowd before she spotted Danny Reagan and his partner, he had his phone to his ear and was barking something into it but then he saw her and hung up.

"Danny, is it him," She said fearing the answer.

"I don't know, they don't know who it is, they are still trying to control the riot." His voice sounded different; as if fear was etched into it then again of course, he was afraid.

"Danny, we gotta go," Baez yelled, her eyes held sympathy in them along with fear.

"Listen, he has to be alright, I mean I'm sure he is going to be okay, you will find out soon who it was, I gotta go Eddie, I'm sorry." She nodded, trying to push back the burning tears on her eyes as Danny and Maria ran out of the precinct just as Alex returned.

"Sarge said that we have to stay here, there are already too many cops here and we have to handle the phones, did you hear from anything from your partner?"

"No," She responded in defeat.

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She nodded off slightly as she sat on the cold linoleum floor, it was 1:00 am and she had been waiting for over three hours. Her fear had drained her and she had even cried in private in the break room, all of this overwhelming her as she waited for anything and it had finally come when her Sergeant came out of his office and notified them that it was Officer Darren Hamlin who had been killed in the line of duty. Eddie knew Darren, her and Jamie had gone out drinking with him and his partner once in a while, he was a great man but now he was gone leaving behind a wife and a son to pick up the pieces. Fourteen other officer's had been injured, one of them being Renzulli but none of them critical and all expected to make full recoveries.

"Eddie?" She shot up and looked Jamie who looked tired and beaten up but he was there alive and shocked at her presents at his apartment. She burst in to tears and ran into him wrapping her arms around him as she sobbed into his shoulder. She could feel him hesitate before he finally wrapped his arms around her and rub her back.

"I thought it was you," She sobbed."

"No I'm fine, I'm okay, it's alright," He reassured her, pulling her away and looking at her with kindness in his eyes.

"No, it's not Jamie, I missed you and I pushed you away," She wiped her eyes with her arm.

"Come on Eddie, come inside, I'll get you some tissues and you can sit." He unlocked the door to his apartment and guided her to the couch, seating her there as he walked into the kitchen and then returned to the couch with a glass of water.

"Feeling better?" He asked handing her the glass; she nodded and took small sips. "Listen Eddie, you had every right to leave, what there was between us was getting too complicated and we couldn't keep pretending."

"I should have called," She said setting the glass on the coaster.

"The phone works both ways Janko, I could have called you too but we needed space that's all, we just needed to get over the feelings."

"I thought I did but then this happened, then I thought about how awful it was that we ended it the way we did and how much I cared about you."

"You're still with Alex though Eddie and you're happy, I know it."

"You're keeping tabs on me?"

"You work with Danny, you don't think he has been giving me updates, I ask about you all the time," He admitted.

"I know but I can't keep you out of my mind, Jamie I really do care for you, it has been driving me insane not talking to you because honestly I trust you with everything." His phone buzzed and he looked at it, hiding it from her.

"Who is that?" She asked curiously, he sighed and put the phone down on his lap.

"I'm seeing someone, her name is Bea Kinsley," She smiled a little.

"I'm glad you are seeing someone Jamie, you needed to listen I have to go."

"Eddie wait," He jumped up and ran off after her. She pressed the elevator button vigorously as a tear slid down her cheek, but he caught up and pulled her close and kissed her, a soft tender kiss the one she had yearned for and for a moment she kissed back falling into him but she stopped and broke away.

"We can't do this Jamie, not anymore, this is the reason we stopped being partners, we agreed it was too messy."

"I know but I can't let you leave again, Eddie, I regretted letting you walk away and I may be with Bea but I think of you too."

"It's not fair to Bea or Eric not even you and me, I just need to know you weren't hurt."

"That's not the only reason why Eddie."

"I know but what are we supposed to do?" She looked at him as they stood in silence and she felt the emotions roll through her, it was to much as she leaned over and kissed him again there was no way around it she was in love with him, and she couldn't fight love.

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"You cheated on Grandpa?" Emily said in shock, Eddie felt terrible but it was part of the story and Emily had insisted on hearing it. She knew that Emily thought a little less of her but it was the truth.

"Yes, I did and I know what you are thinking, but I told your Grandfather about it and obviously we worked it out, it was a horrible thing to do but I was in love with Jamie too and I couldn't fight my feelings."

"I'm going to push past this right now, I mean if Grandpa forgave you I forgive you plus I want to hear the rest of the story.

"Okay well it will have to wait because I know for a fact that you planned a study group plus you need to call your boyfriend."

"I cant call Jake, he probably still hates me."

"You need to try and then I will resume the story tonight, deal."

"Deal," Emily sighed.

"Good now go get ready and I will drop you off at the library."


	4. Chapter 4

Clarification: Alex is Eddies work partner and Eric is her boyfriend.

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The ice formed intricate designs on the glass of the diner as Eddie and Emily sat eating a late lunch. Neither of them had really spoken about the story and Eddie knew why; sure Emily said she did not care but the fact the Eddie cheated on Eric had hit her hard. She watched as Emily stirred her soup with a spoon glancing out the window every once in a while lost in her thoughts.

"Are you sorry that you know the story?" Eddie asked breaking the ice. Emily looked up and looked her straight in the eye.

"No, I mean this is a really good story and all that matters is that you and Grandpa were happy in the end."

"I was, your grandfather made me the happiest woman alive, he was always there for me and I loved him more than anything in the world." Emily smiled and went back to her soup.

"So you had an affair, could we bounce ahead to why this didn't work out, I mean obviously there had to be a big fight."

"There was, I'm going to for the sake of time tell you that we were together for almost six months but barely."

"How do you mean?"

"Well the first few months were the kickoff but then we both felt the guilt so we started slowly weaning off each other."

"What changed your mind?"

"Your grandfather," Eddie smiled. "He asked me to marry him and I said yes."

"Why though, not that I'm not ecstatic you were with him."

"Because I loved him and your grandfather and I had something; Jamie and I had a fling, it was wrong for both of us."

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They were silent for about ten minutes taking in the break up, both knew it was the right thing to do but neither of them knew how to proceed. Jamie sighed and looked at her giving her a half grin and standing up and walking to the counter of his kitchen.

"I want you to have this Eddie," he held out a picture, one that they took in front of the patrol car on a spring day. She had just told him that she was hungry and he responded with a quip about her eating habits just as the tourist shot the picture, he had saved the photo, he had said it was his favorite. "I want you to remember NYC," She looked at it and could not bring herself to take it but he pushed it closer and she reluctantly pocketed it, a small tear slid down her cheek which she wiped away.

"Hey, Eddie don't cry, it's going to be fine, when you move it will be a fresh start, you can move on." She thought the same but moving away from her home, the place she loved it was hard but Eric had been offered a job in North Carolina and she had agreed that they would move. She stood up from her chair and grabbed her keys looking at him one more time.

"I really do love you Jamie," He nodded watched as she closed the door behind her; as soon as it shut she began to sob.

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"So you left, do you regret it?" Emily asked.

"No, I knew we could never be, and if I never walked away I wouldn't have you." Emily smiled, flattered by the notion but there was something that her grandmother wasn't telling her.

"You think of him though, of what could have been if you could have gotten away with it."

"I do, sometimes, where we would be, if we would have kids and what they would be doing." Emily took a sip of her water and closely watched as her grandmother's mind drifted away. She looked out the window and her she began to daydream. Now that she knew the story many things weighed on her mind, Eddie seemed heartbroken still and it really hurt seeing Emily to see her like this.

"Can I ask you another question?" Eddie returned to the conversation; she gave a sad smile and nodded.

"Why didn't you ever try to reach him, Grandpa has been since I was ten, you could have tried to find him again."

"Grandma, there are plenty of ways, internet, phone books, friends."

"No, honey I can't find him."

"Why not, you said he was the one that got away you could try," Emily insisted, Eddie sighed and looked at her with a sad smile.

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"Don't get Sappy Sanders, you aren't going to miss me that much," Eddie teased as they drove on of her last shifts in NYC. Her heart was breaking at the thought of leaving her home but she was also excited to start a new adventure.

"You're right Janko, but you are the only partner who didn't make fun of my eating habits."

"Because I have one of my own," She reminded him.

"Well I am just glad that you liked the cake that Kettles, Domingo and I got for you."

"Of course, a gigantic badge, I loved it." As they drove past the different sights of NYC, she took them in, sure she'd visit again one day but it didn't mean she wasn't going to miss them.

"Janko, did you hear that?"

"What," She asked snapping back into reality, she heard the radio; the dispatcher was calling for all available units for a gang war going on in central park.

"We aren't that far, you want in?"

"Yeah, lets go." She said sitting up in her seat a little straighter. Sanders flicked on the siren and sped through traffic. As they approached hundreds of people were running out of the park, many called out for their friends and family members, tears running down their faces.

"Come on," Eddie said running into the chaos. Gunfire and yelling filled the air and soon she approached the scene, there had to be three or four hundred gang members and so far only fifty cops. The fight that was initially was gang vs. gang was now gangs vs. the NYPD, Eddie and Alex dived behind the fountain and checked their weapons before popping up and shooting.

"We are really outnumbered," Eddie started, shooting at a gang member who was about to shoot a fellow cop.

"Help is on the way, let's get out there." They jumped into action and as they shuffled through the brawl she spotted many of her old precinct. Ragetti and Walsh, Renzulli and Brown, Reynolds and Klein and then finally she spotted Jamie. Him and his partner were fighting with a couple of thugs who seemed to be really be winning.

"Over there," Eddie yelled to Sanders, he nodded and ran with her. She grabbed the man who was attacking Jamie's partner and threw him to the ground.

"Thanks," She said out of breath.

"No problem," She looked at Jamie and their eyes met but soon broke when they took in the battle.

"These back up on the way," Sanders stated.

"Good now where do we…" Eddie watched as Jamie's partner went down.

"Penny," She heard Jamie yell, they crowded her and opened her shirt to reveal the bulletproof vest.

"You are one lucky cop," Sanders said picking out the bullet from the vest.

"Tell that to my Ribs," She responded, winded as she sat up.

"We need to find cover, let's go!" Eddie yelled helping Penny up.

"Over there," Alex yelled pointing to a sculpture.

"Okay, I'll cover you, get her to cover." Alex and Eddie nodded, supporting Penny they waited for the go ahead and as soon as Jamie nodded they ran as fast as they could to the sculpture, they gently sat Penny down and gave her a once over.

"Are you feeling okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, where is Jamie?" Eddie turned around and saw that Jamie had not made it to the sculpture with them. She looked around the park and spotted him, he was grasping his side, lying with a look of fear.

"Stay with her Alex, I'm going to get him."

"Are you nuts?"

"I'm not leaving him out there." Before he could protest, Eddie took off, dodging bullets and finally making it to Jamie. It was a horrible mess, he was bleeding and rapidly too.

"Oh god Jamie, its gonna be okay." She tried to yank him up but it was dead weight and Jamie was falling out of consciousness. "Jamie, hey look at me. Jamie!" He opened his eyes and much like her eyes, they held fear, panic. She watched as he gasped for air, in pain as blood pours out of him. She looked at his jacket and saw water droplets on him badge, confused she looked up to the sky but it was clear, blue and that is when she realized she was crying. She wiped the tears off her face and let out a shaky breath as she took his hand into her's and with the other she pressed down on his wound.

"Don't cry," He said with a small grin reaching his hand up to wipe her face. She leaned into it and smiled back, trying to make him feel safe. Around her she could hear the guns going off and yelling but she had lost all efforts to get them out of the middle of it.

"Danny is going to be pissed if you give up."

"He'd… He'd bring me back just too… just to yell at me." He smiled but blood seeped from the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah and Erin too," She said wiping the strained of hair away from his forehead, she knew this was not going well because his clothes were saturated in his own blood and her hands coated. She finally looked up at Jamie when he started to gag up blood, the panic rose as more tears filled her eyes and as she squeezed his hand tighter.

"It's okay, I don't feel it."

"What," She asked wiping away more tears.

"I don't feel it anymore." She let out sob, she knew what that meant and it was not good.

"I'm glad, it will all be okay, it will all be over soon." She said in a calm voice running the back of her hand against his cheek.

"I… I love you," he stammered out, he was getting weaker by the minute.

"You don't love me Jamie, I am bossy and I eat way too much and I make plans for you all the time."

"But… I love… I love… all of that."

"I love you too."

"You need to… find love… again… be with him… you'll be okay." All she could do was nod and soon she watched as he gave her that one last smile and his eyes fluttered shut.

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"He died," Emily wiped the tears away as she looked at her grandmother in shock; her heart ached. Eddie nodded solemnly and grabbed hold of her granddaughters hands, tears spilled from her eyes but she force on a small smile, one that was sympathetic almost like she felt sorry for Emily when it was the other way around.

"He died that day and I know its not going to happen to you but I play that little game in my head."

"What's that?"

"The what if game, the one that slowly drives you crazy, it's a tricky game and a horrible one but it sticks with you forever." She sighed deeply and brushed back her tears, she waved on the waitress who looked at them with concern. "I know that my story was terrible and I know that it isn't going to happen to you but I wanted you to know that when I was young I let him go, I could have been with him but I stopped myself."

"But you found grandpa."

"I did and at first when he found out I thought he would leave me, but he didn't, I thought he would hate me but instead he held me close every night and let me cry. I was lucky, your grandfather was the one that helped me through that awful time even though I betrayed him and he loved me until the day he died and I love him too I always will but Jamie, Jamie will always hold a place in my heart."

"He told you he loved you Grandma, he told you before he died, just like grandpa he will always love you and you will always love him."

"I want you to call him, he makes you happy and you deserve every bit of it, don't be like me, lose the one that you could have loved, don't be foolish because you'll just be left wondering."

"I will," She wiped a tear away and grasped her napkin tight not sure how to deal with the emotions at hand. Eddie pulled out her wallet and rifled through the pockets before finally pulling out a photo and handing it to Emily. It was the same photo that had started the story but different, this one was slightly tattered and a defined crease showed where it had been folded repeatedly. Emily raised her eyebrow in confusion; in the two and a half days that passed there was no way that, it would end up like this.

"It's not mine," She explained.

"It was his, he kept a copy but where did you get it?"

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Eddie stood up finally as they covered Jamie, her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest, and her sobs left her unable to take normal breaths. She tore her eyes away from him and looked over at Penny and Alex; a paramedic was patching her up, and Alex was trying to divert her attention away from Jamie. He could not be gone, it was not right; he should be standing there with her because in her mind he was invincible. She looked down at her hands soaked in his blood and she felt sick, how could a person lose that much blood, it had to be impossible and yet show stood at the base of his feet staring at the yellow cover. Her eyes caught sight of his hat, it was a few feet away and instantly she walked over and picked it up, the picture inside made her weak, it was Joe, it was terrible yet comforting to think that they would reunite but her worst fears hit her when she heard the voice of the other brother.

"Jamie," He called out, it shattered her soul, and how was she going to tell him when she was a sobbing mess herself. She heard him call again but she knew there would not be a reply so with all her strength she had left she moved towards him. He was panicked, looking frantically around until he laid eyes on her. She must have looked like a mess; eyes red with tear tracks down her face, blood covering her and a look that was a mixture of heartache and being lost washed over her face. Danny did not need to hear it; tears sprang in his eyes as Baez finally caught up to him and followed his gaze to her. Eddie walked over and handed him his brother's hat as new tears formed and she let out a sob. He looked at her and she knew what he was asking, with her eyes, she guided him to his brother. She watched as Danny fell to his knees and pulled the cover off, he grabbed Jamie up into his arms and held him as he sobbed and yelled cursing not only Jamie but God. Eddie picked up the discarded hat and Joe's picture fell out, she lifted it up and just as she as putting it back she found it, the other picture he had kept, it was of him and her, on their lunch break, she folded the picture and put it in her pocket as her world shattered.

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She had found the strength to go to the funeral, it was a great service but it was so hard to watch the family go up and try to talk about the man Jamie was, even Renzulli made his way up but his emotions got the best of him. She sat a few rows back from them all with Kara, her partner Alex and Penny; Kara reached over and gave her hand a squeeze, a wavy smile crossed her lips as she brought a tissue to her nose. Erin was next to speak, she brushed a few tears away and cleared her throat.

"Jamie was… is an amazing man, he could make you smile even in the worst of times. Today my heart aches, I've lost my little brother but I know he died protecting the city, he is my hero. My last words with him were I love you and I try to remember that so I can push through the heartache. He was smart, kind, and funny and there will never be anyone like him. I lost my brother on Thursday…" her voice broke as she began to lose it. Eddie wiped her face as she watched Danny walk up with tears of his own, He grabbed her in a large embrace and they cried together over the loss before he walked over to the podium trailing his sister over by her hand. In the few years Eddie had known Danny she never saw him like this, it was heart breaking.

"I lost my brother Thursday," He continued for his sister. "And life will never be the same, it will never hold his laugh, I'll never see his smile but I know that up there he is watching over me. This has been a hard couple of days and I know that it is going to continue to be like this but I find great comfort in the fact that he is with me always, in memories and in my heart. I also find solace in the knowing that he was reunited with some of his favorite people, I miss him and I will continue to miss him every day, A Grandson, A son, An Uncle, A brother in law, A brother, A friend, and a brother in arms." Danny stepped down and again wrapped Erin in a tight embrace. As Eddie looked around not a dry eye in the house she felt the pain and then the music played and everyone stood as Danny, Henry, Frank, Jack, Sean, and Renzulli all stood and walked to the casket to take him away.

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It had been a long day for them, especially her because reliving this opened up old wounds. She covered her granddaughter with a blanket as she laid peacefully on the couch in a deep sleep, Eddie smiled and kissed her on the forehead before walking to kitchen and pulling out the picture.

"I miss you Jamie," She brought the picture close and kissed it, a tear slid down her cheek. She was lost in the memories, the pain and the heart ache.

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 **One more chapter friends, please don't hate me. Love Layna**


	5. Chapter 5

Eddie sat at the kitchen table and read the morning newspaper, it was a news article on the City wide clean up and so far, things were going great, it was all thanks to Commissioner Reagan, Jack Reagan. He had been the youngest commissioner to date but he had led the city much like his grandfather he led with a level head and a strong will to turn the city around. Eddie smiled at the mention of the young man, she remembered meeting him a few times and it was amazing to watch another Reagan take over the position. She set the paper down and took a sip of her coffee just as Emily came rushing through the kitchen.

"Woah, slow down where's the fire," Eddie chuckled as her granddaughter multitasked; brushing her hair and pulling socks on.

"I called him, and he is on his way now," She said sitting down.

"Oh, you didn't tell me you had plans today." Emily stopped and set her hairbrush on her lap.

"You didn't have plans for us did you, I can cancel."

"No, No there was nothing, I just am glad you are getting back in there."

"It's because of you, your story," She smiled at Eddie and got back up just as the door bell rang. "Oh no that's him, I'm not even sort of ready." She jumped up the nervousness surged through her.

"I'll get it, go on get ready." Eddie smiled as her granddaughter scurried off. She stood and made her way to the door. As she opened it, a young man stood, he was just as nervous as Emily was and as he looked at Eddie he shook.

"Is Emily here?"

"Yes, she is getting ready, but you are more than welcome to come in out of the cold." He graciously accepted and stomped the snow from his boots.

"She has told me a lot about you, and I know she'd kill me if I said this but she had regretted this break up all week."

"I have too, I know most people would say it's only high school but Emily is amazing and I love her."

"Good I'm glad, just know I was a police officer here once so I have some favors if you hurt her at all."

"That's the last thing I want to do." Eddie gave him a reassuring smile as Emily walked in, all dolled up.

"I'll let you two go, have fun and be safe." They nodded and began towards the door before Emily excused herself and walked over to Eddie.

"Thank you," She gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"You're welcome, now go." She ushered her granddaughter out and like before the house was quite and she was alone.

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Eddie had finally left the house and hour after Emily, as she was told they would be out the whole day. This was fine with Eddie because after the story she got to thinking, all about Jamie and what could have been. It was a chilled morning and the snow slowly drifted to the ground as Eddie walked through the cemetery, there was a funeral happening from afar but besides that, it was empty. She read the names on the stones, she knew a few of them, some were officers that she had served with, one was Renzulli who had passed away a year after he husband, he was 84. She finally came to the Reagan Row as she heard Danny once call it, She looked at Betty, Mary and Joe, and then there was Henry who had died about three years after Jamie, in his sleep peacefully, she had gone back for that service. To be honest it was the last time she had seen the Reagan family, they had welcomed her as an old friend but they all knew the pain was still too present. She had maybe caught a glance of them at Renzulli's funeral but she couldn't be sure. Her eyes finally laid on the stone she was looking for, Jamie. The emotions fled through her as she read his name, even after all this time she could remember the exact moment when the life left his eye. She laid a rose at his grave, she had visited him only once and that was right before she left NYC. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and the anger rush through her as she thought about his sacrifice.

"I should never have given up on being your partner, maybe then you'd still be alive!" She sobbed but at that moment she felt the message from him, a gust of wind blew by her and she smiled at the thought that he was watching over her. She placed her hands in her pocket and pulled out that picture, the last one they ever took together.

"You know I never told you but when I first met you there was this feeling of… well I can't explain it but I loved you from day one." She looked at his gravestone and laid a hand on the top. "You made me feel safe and no matter what I did or I said there was never a doubt in my mind that you were going to be there for me and that I was never going to be alone." She thought back to when he was alive, his laugh, his smile and his voice, as time went on she had begun to forget what he sounded like but every once in a while she would remember. She placed the picture on the headstone in a small crack to insure it was anchored in.

"There was so much I had to tell you, and there was so much you missed." She wiped the tears from her eyes and dug in her pocket to retrieve a tissue. "She looks like you, she had that goofy smile and those baby blues, I know its wrong but I could never bring myself to tell her who you were and Eric agreed to be her dad." He was a wonderful man who stayed by Eddie and raised a child who wasn't even his, he loved her like she was his own.

"He taught me how to love again and he loved her, maybe you can thank him, I love you Jamieson Reagan." She kissed her finger tips and transferred it to the stone before looking one last time and letting out a heavy sigh. The story had weighed her down but telling Emily about her grandfather without letting her know it was her grandfather was some sort of closure. As she walked away from the grave she could have sworn she felt a presents beside her, she swore it was Jamie telling her everything was alright.


End file.
